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About Literature / Artist Premium Member Transdimensional Space GoatFemale/United States Group :iconfeelgoodfactory: FeelGoodFactory
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why do i keep buying perfumes that remind me of your cologne

best treated with drugs. lots of drugs.

Journal Entry: Mon Sep 29, 2014, 10:04 PM
Hands down, the worst part of depression is feeling alone, no matter where you are or who you're with. It can happen anytime. Anywhere. Sometimes it sneaks up on you gradually and you don't even notice until it's fully upon you. Other times it crashes over you like a tidal wave and threatens to drag you under, to drown you in currents of misery.
At 1 a.m., I know that some of my friends are still awake and almost certainly online. Just a click away. Or I could call my mama, she'd answer the phone even this late at night. If I really wanted to bad enough, I could just hop in the car and drive to the gas station where my best friend works tonight. She wouldn't turn me away.
I list the options one by one in my mind, mulling each one over before tossing it aside like so many unwanted cards in a game of gin rummy. Food, my stomach tells me. Go eat. You'll feel better. I shuffle to the kitchen, peer into the fridge for a moment before shutting the door. Sweep a cursory glance over the cupboards. Nothing looks or sounds even remotely appealing. I go back to bed, burrow down into my covers and try to sleep. Lay awake instead. Can't get comfortable. My eyelids want to spring back open the moment I close them, even though I've only slept 5 or 6 hours in the last three days.
Light another cigarette. It's my third one in a row and they're starting to make me feel queasy, even though they're menthol. Tell myself for the umpteenth time that I should quit before I get hooked again. Pretty sure that I already am. A pinch of weed looks better instead. It'll quiet the irrational voice in the back of my head that says feel, feel, feel, you can make yourself feel, feel pain, it's better than nothing; pinch, slap, scratch, tear your skin off piece by itty bitty piece until you feel something.
If I screamed, would anyone hear me underwater? What difference would it make? A million "I'm sorry"s and "I'm here for you"s, no matter how well-meant, are lost in the cavern that grew in my chest cavity. The more it eats, the more it grows, and I wonder when it will swallow me whole. Fighting is so exhausting, I wish it would just take over so that I can give in. Sleeping is so much easier than living, even when the living is good, but sleep just doesn't come.




and I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
REO Speedwagon


i wake on the edge of morning
breathing staccato
under frost-covered pines:

my fingertips are bitten, but
my lips are unkissed;
i bend to the earth
and inhale.

i lie on the devil's backbone
in the scarred ridges of his
fire-scorched spine -

the elements are unkind
to my limbs
and my heart:
i caught pneumonia and love
in the same breath.
only you can prevent forest fires
last night's 'innocent' drinking games turned into "never have I ever" and "truth or dare"; our conversation devolves quickly when too much alcohol is involved. eventually there was sexy dancing, grinding, and entirely too many un-repeatable drunken admissions {you have a gorgeous girlfriend, why are you still talking to me?}
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why do i keep buying perfumes that remind me of your cologne

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dietcocaine
Transdimensional Space Goat
Artist | Literature
United States
would totally do Bob Seger in a heartbeat. what?




So long, and thanks for all the fish. :heart:

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:iconsinistrosephosphate:
SinistrosePhosphate Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Greetings: 

Once again, thank you very  much for adding my work to your list of favourites. I appreciate your support very much!

With many thanks,
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dietcocaine Featured By Owner 4 days ago   Writer
:thumbsup:
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bookloverblue Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the fave!
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dietcocaine Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014   Writer
:thumbsup:
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SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the faves :D
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dietcocaine Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014   Writer
No problem, loved 'em. :)
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crag137 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014
thanks for the deviantWatch
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ANDREA-COLEIN Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much for supporting my collage artwork :cuddle:
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dietcocaine Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014   Writer
No problem! :)
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CloudyQuartz Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  New member Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the fave 
Your work is amazing btw :happybounce: :happybounce: :happybounce: :happybounce: :happybounce: 
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